A schizophrenic day in Tahrir #Nov18

So.. Tahrir Square a happy place.. full of emotions, memories and everything else.. I experienced joy, hate, anger, fear and sadness in that place.. Probably everyone who was there during the 18 days knows how I feel. Anyhow.. I just got back home after a day in the square .. the numbers were huge ! almost as crowded as the old days.. yet it left me with mixed feelings.. It was a crazy place, I started my day around a group of liberals which was okay.. the people are open minded they're not extremists in anyway I was close to Omar Makram.. I decided to go to Talaat Harb street, I took the short way thru the metro.. while going up the metro stairs to Talaat Harb street I heard a chant that kept me frozen in my place for a few seconds " al sha3b yorid tatbi2 shar3 allah " that total extreme Islamist chant  totally hit me ... I wasn't in Egypt on the 29th of July when Tahrir was totally occupied by Salafis and Ikhwan, so today was my first shock with such chants.. and the chants kept going louder " allahu akbar" and "islameya islameya" That was the first time for me personally to hear non political chants in Tahrir .. It was never like that, on the other hand there where the amazing chants I love the anti SCAF chants .. " alsha3b yorid eskat el moushir" and " yaskot yaskot 7okm el 3askar e7na elsha3b el khatt el a7mar" and " yangeeb 7a2ohom yanmout zayohom" .
All these chants were present today.. it was a weird mix that changed my mood a lot .. from angry to depressed to cheerful .. Schizophrenia at it best I must say...
I got sexually harassed  of course like any other female in the square I suppose .. Verbally A LOT ! and physically 4 times .. plus the times that men pass by and touch my ass or boobs as if it was a mistake coz it's crowded.. it might have been a mistake .. I can never tell.
So right now, I'm home kind of devastated .. Tho the numbers were huge and everything .. but the general atmosphere wasn't the atmosphere I like..
I hope they stop going to tahrir for their religious causes .. I really do .. It was never like that.. and it should NEVER be like that..
This is my Tahrir, our Tahrir.. my baby.. I'm too attached to that place and I don't want ANYONE to mess with it.
This place is sacred for me.. and I believe for others too..
I want my safe home back.. I want it back.. I don't want anyone to use it anymore for any purposes whether for their religious believes or their parliament or presidential campaigns..

I want my Tahrir back where men used to protect me when it got dangerous there not use the situation to touch my body..

I'm sad

The girl who lost her mind

I know a girl who lost here mind
from a constant feeling that was inside
alone she cried while everyone smiled
she couldn't get it out of her mind.

She had a smile that killed the guys
they would've traveled for many miles
just to see her face that used to shine
but now she's left in a world of lies

Chorus:
She used to smile but now she cries
she used to shine but now she hides
she was the girl who did everything right
but now she's the girl who lost her mind

She just couldn't take it anymore
it kept on killing her more and more
each time she tried to survive
it held her down and took her life

her world was falling apart
while she was trying to play her part
her part in the tragedy she was living in
where she was drowning in a sea of sin

Chorus

while now am standing on her grave
I'm saying the prayer that might save
save me from living the life she had
coz her end was really fuckin bad

smth I wrote 5 years ago

lying here in a prison cell
Got no where to go.
Got no one to be
Counting every tear that is falling from me!

Consumed by hope
That is fading away
Enslaved to darkness
That won’t go away
Surrounded by loneliness
That is getting more
Caught in dreams
That I’m longing for

Holding the knife in my shaky hand
thinking of the moment where I can
Save my life from this pain
that has became my life

Consumed by hope
That is fading away
Enslaved to darkness
That won’t go away
Surrounded by loneliness
That is getting more
Caught in dreams
That I’m longing for

Now that the moment is here
Where I can release all my fear
I cut myself so deep
Now I’m finally free

As I open my eyes
I see everything is white
Is that heaven am in, or is hell so bright?
Isn’t that my love that I left behind?

(An Angel): He’s the one who saved you.

And took u back to his life!

When hashtags move from twitter to your dreams!

I dream of hashtags! loadz and loadz of hashtags ! 

I suppose after the recent events taking place all over the world specially in the Middle east and specifically in Egypt.. The easiest way to get hold of any news happening is just to search for a certain #Hashtag !

The last couple of days I've been searching different hashtags .. and doing my best to make some hashtags trend worldwide which always ends with a huge failure because the world cares more about hashtags like #WMYBMUSICVIDEO than #SyriaBleeds ! 

Anyway last night I had one of the weirdest dreams ever.. I saw myself writing an exam.. and the paper was full of hashtags..An exam full of hashtags..

Hashtags like :

#NoMilTrials : which is against Military trials for civilians in Egypt !

#NOSCAF: which is against the rule of the Military Council in Egypt!

#Egypt: well the hashtag explains it self.

#Jan25 : A day I'll never forget, The day the Egyptian revolution started.

#July8: The start of the second sit in that I didn't take part of coz I'm abroad.

#Tahrir: THE PLACE where it all started.

#Tahrir: The symbol of the revolution.

#Tahrir: a hashtag that was a trend world wide during the first couple of days of the revolution.

#Sinai: for current events taking place on the border with what they call "Israel" which is actually PALESTINE!

#Gaza: A beautiful place in Palestine that's been suffering for years.

#Syria: A country trying to gain their freedom but their Dictator #Assad is a murderer and is killing the people.

#SyriaBleeds: It shows the number of people dying and getting injured coz of a Dictator ruling Syria.

Endless hashtags.. Each and everyone is important in a way.. Each hashtag connects you to the world.. it connects you to certain events.. connects you to people asking for media attention.. 

Gender: FEMALE !!!!!

Name: Nada

Height: 165cm

Weight: 84 Kilos

Age: 22

Gender: female
Gender: female
Gender: female
Gender: female
Gender: female

I am an overweight 22 year old girl. I don't have confidence to wear any revealing cloths, because
I am overweight. I usually wear jeans and t-shirts and converse. Nothing erotic about that ha?
Anyway, mosebti el soda el mehabeba fe omm el balad dih is that I have big boobs! yea.. can't hide them,
I wish i could, i guess it would spare me around 5-10 verbal abuses each day.
I hate going to crowded places coz men eventually end up touching my boobs and act as if they dont mean it.
lately i've developed a skill, i fucking hit anyone at a crowded place with my elbow who touches me.
And honestly it feels good doing that!

I've been living all my life in Egypt,
I've been sexually harrassed a lot.
Verbally harassed
Physically harassed
been grabbed by men walking down the sreets
I see me staring at my boobs while walking down the street.
It feels terrible

The coming part is a story of one of the sickest things I experienced:

I was around 12years old in a cab going to my swimming training, it was a Saturday morning, on a hot summer day in cairo, I took a taxi from dokki to zamalek, i reached my destination,I was sitting in the back seat, the taxi driver stopped the taxi for me to get off and as I was giving him the money,he held my hand and  kind of pulled  me he couldn't pull me close as i was still in the back seat, anyway.. he was still holding my hand i was trying to let go and he said wait a bit... and he looked down, i looked and i found him holding something between his legs and rubbing it.. I had no idea what he was doing.. it just felt wrong, I was about to scream then he let my hand go i opened the door and ran away... an egyptian 12 year old girl who goes to an all girls school wouldn't know that he was jerking off ! I kinda realized a bit later what that was all about..

that was one of the stories that i experienced ... believe me there are much worse things that happened to me... but I guess that story is enough to share.

I always say something when i get verbally harassed, i can't always control my reaction... but when I can I tend to talk to my harasser and make him feel really bad about it, some of them end up apologizing I swear.
The only situation where i seriously can't control myself is when i get harassed by a police asshole guarding an embassy or a bank for example... I HAVE ZERO TOLERANCE FOR THAT KINDA SHIT !
and sadly the revolution didn't change their attitude.. I just spit on one of them 3 days ago.. and he deserved more than that!

as for the part of the cloths being the reason why women get harassed ... it's not the cloths.. it's the men's dirty minds that undress the woman... no matter what she's wearing... they wouldn't even notice what she's wearing.. they undress her in their own minds.. that is sick !!
 I am very pessimistic .. and I know that the men's  behavior won't change anytime soon..

 I blame their attitude on the society we live in .. where they were brought up thinking that men are by default better than women.. more privileged than women.. stronger than women.. and that would lead me to speak about the gender equality. But I won't.



I have so much to say... and I'll be writing another post in like 10 hours or something...

AND STOP ALL KINDS OF HARASSMENT !! yel3an abouko !

أنا بستظرف

طيب و بعدن باءة ؟ 

أنا عندي إحساس إني تعبت نفسيا و جسديا و عصبيا من الناس كلها 

فاكرين وقت الثورة وبعدها كان الشعب كله بيتكلم ف السياسة و الناس فرحت و أعادوا يقولو والله الشعب مطلعش تافه و جاهل وبتاع الثورة خلت الشعب مثقف سياسيا و كلام من ده كتير.

بس بجد بجد خلاص ! كفاية مصطلحات غريبة ، كفاية فاتي،  كفاية كلام في حاجة إنتو مش فاهمينها . ماسوني ليبرالي مصاص دماء ابن وسخة ! 

 أه و عالفكرة ياروحي لو أنت مش متخرج من سياسة و إقتصاد مثلا و بدأت تتكلم عن إن إقتصاد البلد بييانهار، الاقتصاد  البتتكلم  عليه دة  بينيسبالي بظبط زي عفاف شعيب لما كانت منهارة على الريشة و البدزة. فا ياريت تخرس .. فاهم ؟ 

أقولك على سر هع أنا معطلة عاجلة الإنتاج أصلي سرقت كل ..... (هو جمع منفاخ إيه؟) المهم أنا سرقت كل المنفاخ الفلبلد و إتبرعت بهم لضحايا التسونامي فاليابان ! هما هيعرفو يستخدموه أحسن .

أنا عملت ائتلاف إسمو ائتلاف أم علي .. أصلي بحب الأم علي فشخ و كمان جدتي تبقى أم علي عشان بابا إسمو علي ! 

كفاية استظراف !

أنا مشية عايزة أعمل بيبي !

الجيش فشخنا !

طيب أنا لقيت الصورة ديه على فيسبوك ! دي تعليمات من الجيش الفشخنا و أعد بيفشخنا إنو ممنوع عرض فيديو لموقعة الجمال الهما كانو واقفين بيتفرجو و هي بتحصل ! و بعدن باءة فالخرى دة  ؟؟؟؟؟